Maybe They'll Make a Comic Strip About Her. Maybe Jackie Chan Will Star in the Movie of her Life.

Okay, so it has been requested that I write a new post on here, but I don't have any recent interesting stories about The Roommate, so I'm just going to share a few of my theories about her.

There are few things you should know about The Roommate before I get into them, though.

1. She sleeps all day.
Now, when I say "all day," this isn't an exaggeration or just an expression. She literally sleeps ALL DAY. She comes in and goes to bed. Then she wakes up, takes a shower, and leaves. Then she comes back and goes to sleep, then wakes up and leaves.

I, personally, don't understand how she has the capacity to sleep so much. The fact that she sleeps so often and for such long periods of time must mean that she does something very exhausting while she is awake. Which brings me to my next point.

2. She wakes up sometime between 11 pm and 2 am and gets dressed, puts perfume on, and leaves for the rest of the night. She is usually gone until some point early in the morning.

These nocturnal tendencies, along with some of the other evidence, brings me to a few conclusions that I won't mention. But it also leads me to believe a few interesting theories, such as:

1. She is a superhero/villian.
I mean, come on. What could be a more perfect alias? College student by day, superhuman by night. She's as quiet as a mouse. She never talks, and when she does, she sounds like Wheezy Waiter's quiet clone. Who would suspect it? She could be out there, scaling buildings, shooting webs out of her wrists, rescuing damsels. Or... what do call a male damsel? Rescuing... boys. Whatever. (Or maybe she is rescuing female damsels. No judgement.)
Or, conversely, she could be out all night, plotting world domination and attempting to put her plans into action. Maybe she is recruiting evil flunkies as we speak. She might be trying to throw Superman out of a window. I mean. The possibilities are endless.

2. She is a ninja.
I mean, come on. Ninjas are quiet and sneaky, right? Well, we know she's quiet. And you hardly notice her come in, she sneaks in so quietly and slips right into her bed. Similar to the superhero theory, she could be out at night fighting... whoever it is that ninjas fight. I don't know. Maybe she's out breaking bricks or something. Plus, she always wears dark colors. THINK ABOUT IT.

I have a few more theories, but I think I'll save them for the next post.

A Robot, Perhaps?

I've been waiting for a good opportunity to write my first post for this blog, and this seems to be it. I have just witnessed a strange and disturbing event (or lack of event, as the case may be) concerning The Roommate.

While The Roommate was getting ready to go out (at midnight, something upon which I will not comment in this post) and I was playing I Won't Say I'm in Love from Hercules, watching the video and singing along. I played it twice, because this is not a song I can just listen to once, and noticed something very odd- my roommate had no reaction to this masterpiece of a musical number. She didn't sing along, say "Hey, I like this song!" or even make a sound of excitement. This is DISNEY, people.

It is my experience that no one can listen to the beauty that is Susan Egan's voice singing the best Disney song ever written and not have SOME kind of reaction.

Clearly, she is a robot.

I can come up with no other explanation for this behavior. I consulted Roomie about it, as well as a few people on Twitter, and everyone was as shocked as I had been. Apparently, I am not the only person who cannot hear a Disney song without instantly bursting into song. Everyone I spoke to was also concerned about The Roommate's failure to respond to what was- almost literally- a goddess singing. (Disclaimer: okay. I know she's not a goddess. But she does end up with Hercules at the end, and if you marry a god, aren't you kind of a goddess by association? It's highly unlikely that they would deny the perfection that is Meg a spot in goddess-dome. I'm just saying.)

I mean, I have nothing against robots. R2-D2, ALLCAPS (circa Don't Unplug Me), Daleks... you know what, scratch that last one.

Anyways. This is just one among many theories I have about The Roommate, all of which I will be sharing with you guys. I think it's important. I think you all need to be informed.

Shocked, Disney-loving college student: out.